The Friend Zone Curse

Minerva had been so pissed off when that dainty little princess had decided to try and break into her house and steal some of her work. “I wanted to make a love potion,” the stupid princess had said. God, even the voice of that girl had been like the screech of mating crows.

To punish her, Minerva decided a symbolic curse would teach her a lesson. Calmly cutting a lock of her golden hair, she whispered the curse in an old language–which was unnecessary, but she didn’t want the princess finding out what the curse was too soon, and it also added a nice air of mystery. Once done, she pushed the princess out and shut her door, bolting it shut. That would teach her to try to steal from a witch.

Stupid princess would never be loved by a man. In fact, no man would ever hold any interest romantically or physically. Minerva called it the “friend zone curse.” And she had rejoiced in the thought that the princess would die alone, frustrated, and depressed.

Little did she know the princess would grow to appreciate the curse.

When a letter from the princess arrived, she opened it hoping that it would be a sad plea. It wasn’t. It was the princess thanking her and inviting her to the castle.

Enraged, Minerva stormed her way into the castle. She turned the guards in the front into statues, spoiled the gardens, and poisoned the ponds with all the golden fish. A walking incarnation of a natural disaster, Minerva didn’t even have to fight the rest of the king’s men. They all just fled in fear, leaving the princess, who was in charge while her father was away on business, to fend for herself.

Tossing the letter at the princess’s feet, Minerva shouted, “What is the meaning of this, princess?” her voice low like an angry wizard–something she’d learned from an older witch back when she worked for a company hunting strange creatures. People feared wizards more than witches.

The princess was unfazed. Instead, she stood up from her throne and attacked-hugged Minerva, who had no idea how to react.

“Thank you! Thank you so much. You have no idea what a gift you’ve given me.”

Minerva couldn’t pry off the princess, so she gave up after a few tries, and instead looked down at the girl, who’s eyes were…strangely pretty. She could see why men had once flocked around her.

“I had grown so tired,” the princess said. “All these men came all the time asking for my hand, making huge stupid proposals to my father. He almost married me to some prince the same week I went to you! But now, it’s all so much better. No man is interested. Even political marriages seem foreign. They even treat me like they treat my brother.”

Minerva tried taking her mind off the perfect shape of the princess’s lips in order to respond. “Aren’t you unhappy that you will never have a man in your life? You had tried to steal a love potion. How does that make you feel?”

The princess laughed and finally let the witch go. “A man? I’ve never been interested in men.” She brushed her hair back and straightened her dress.

God, she was beautiful, and her voice was the loveliest. Maybe Minerva had been quick on her first assessment. The princess seemed rather nice.

Hold on, what had the princess said? Minerva shook off her strange fascination on the princess. Well, she tried. “If you aren’t into men, why did you take the love potion?”

The princess blushed and gave a faint smile. “It’s just that the eldest daughter of the northern kingdom is so perfect. She’s always been so kind to me, and she always remembers everything I like. She is so thoughtful, and she is pretty too. I just thought that maybe I could make her a little more into me…In you know, the not friend way.”

Minerva laughed. “You can’t make someone’s sexuality change with a love potion. Hell, it’s hard enough to make someone fall in love with a love potion, and even then it’s very fickle.”

 “I know,” the princess frowned. “She hasn’t talked to me ever since I confessed. And on top of that, she was all over some guy.” The princess seemed actually distraught, probably along the lines of what Minerva had originally hoped for.

But now looking at her, Minerva felt awful. She’d been in the same position a while back. Everyone assumed things just cause you dressed well. And people always assumed thing of witches, saying that they had crazy orgies with men and stuff. But in her 30 years, Minerva had never even considered touching a guy. Well, she’d forced herself once, just to try and be sure, but no. She’d rather die.

“I’m sorry,” Minerva said.

“No, you shouldn’t be!” the Princess quickly cheered up again. “At least now I don’t have to worry about the stares from men. No one cares. So now I can just focus in finding someone myself, or at least just focusing on the type I’m into.” The princess winked at Minerva, and Minerva felt her heart skip.

On second thought, reassessing her original thoughts on the princess–you know, after careful consideration, Minerva couldn’t deny it. If things had been different and if she had known, she would’ve said something different to the princess back then.

Minerva took a deep breath, and then let it out. “You know, if you are free, we could always go out together.” Usually asking someone out wasn’t that hard for Minerva, but there was something different about the princess. She was just too…It was hard to describe. Instead, Minerva blushed and waved her hands. “You know, maybe not. We have a weird history. It’d be weird.”

The princess’s eyes widened, and her smile turned into a grin. It was actually quite scary, but sort of cute at the same time. “That sounds extremely lovely! I would more than like that. But I do have one request if we’re going to go out on a date,” she teased, but then pointed at the guards by the entrance. “I’ll be needing you to fix that.”

Minerva instantly raised her hand, snapped her fingers, and her other curses dissolved. The guards who had been frozen screamed and ran away.

“That eager, huh?” the princess winked.

Minerva blushed yet again.